METAHUMAN
I probably shouldn’t be

angry about the body I have. but come on, I would’ve at least liked to be a few inches taller. just for the sake of my billiards-playing abilities.

not short guy syndrome. taller everything syndrome.

I hope Barack Obama hits that grand slam he’s dreamt about since he was 7 years old.

you know why I’m smarter than most people?

because I avoid, like the plague, potentially hazardous or flammable situations. like, don’t get married to someone if you’re fighting with them weeks before you’re supposed to get married. or don’t sign a year and a half lease for an apartment with someone if you’ve been fighting for a week prior. I will never understand what runs through some people’s heads. you can say people do crazy things when they’re in love, but stuff like that just seems stupid. that’s just adding unnecessary stress to your life.

that being said, skeet skeet muthafucka. I’ve got baseball to watch.

sometimes you’re doing something

like making a late night sandwich and you abruptly stop placing that extra slice of monterrey jack down to play air guitar to a song that just popped into your head.

or sometimes you’re having a conversation and you start playing air guitar but are still participating in said conversation.

but the best is when the song is so good you actually forget about the conversation altogether and just start air jamming for like 5 minutes.

scratch that last one. I mean, it’s good, but the best is when its taken you 10 minutes to write a blog that’s 5 sentences long because you’ve been subjected to an onslaught of musical genius.

in other news

i don’t understand why that video won’t post.

fucking tumblr.

getting this drunk

was probably a bad idea seeing as I have to wake up in……..7 hours for work. WATER BINGE, ENGAGE!

also, I can’t properly describe in words how glad I am for 2011 to be over. worst year in the history of years. fuck you, time.

also also, are these people seriously the presidential candidates? like..America is just fucking with us and is gonna be like “no seriously, here’s who’s actually running. don’t worry, we wouldn’t leave you with these retards.”

Here’s to the future..

A bunch of retarded fucking kids that don’t know proper grammar, that don’t know how to spell simple fucking words like “to or “you’re”. Here’s to our country being run by morons that think its ok to have “faith” that some gigantic made up guy with a grey beard and long hair who brings his son back from the dead is going to just pick everyone up and save them from four dudes on horses that will apparently bring an end to an entire planet.. just by riding on it…? First off, why would this god of yours have a grey beard? Why would he have a beard at all? Why would he look anything like a human? Or..if he created humans in his image, why would he create lizards? Or birds? Or Praying Mantises? Or butterflies? What would be the point?

But I digress..

Don’t get me wrong. I’m fucking stoked that 2011 is over. It had to have been the worst year of my entire existence, and I am more than glad to see it go. If time had an actual directional flow, my middle finger would’ve been pointed right at it’s backside at midnight Sunday. Or Monday morning. Whichever you prefer. I lost more things in 2011 than I lost in any other year. A really good friend, my last grandfather, a good girl, tons of money, my well-being. The list goes on. But…2011 did end on, if not a high note, then, as my best friend put it, “an upward trajectory”, because he’s a douche and likes to sound smart. Things definitely are on the up and up, and I hope with everything that I am that they will continue in this fashion.

Pretty sure I digressed from the entire point of this post.

Fuck you stupid fucking kids. Pay attention in school. Learn how to read. Learn how to write. Don’t spell “you’re” like “ur”. I don’t care if you think it saves times. All the letters are right there in front of you. It wouldn’t take you a second longer to just type the actual word out. Believe me, I’ve experimented.

Salud! 2012

dont hate because I

memorized Mac Lethal’s version of “Look at Me Now”, which should be named “Cook With Me Now”

maybe I’ll post a video of it. maybe

it sucks when your best friend is depressed

and he’s a dude. so you have to keep telling him to stop being a pussy instead of saying “awwwwww don’t worry it’ll get better”

in other news, fuck retarded chicks. not literally retarded, like mentally handicapped, but chicks who just don’t give a fuck about anyone’s feelings other than their own.

and you wonder why a lot of us guys are jerks

now would definitely be a good time

for some fucking code 12. I haven’t code 12’d in at least 2 years. I could fully use some right now.

I don’t expect any of you to know what this is.